Butt-crack hair. It’s a total and complete pain to remove, sometimes quite literally! Here’s how to do it.
Let’s ignore just why you want to remove it. Perhaps there’s an odor coming from your rear, and using body powder isn’t cutting it. Instead, let’s just assume that you want it gone, and you have (at least) a decent reason.
In this article, I will spell out six tried and true methods to get rid of all those tufts of fur all along your taint, but I’ll get straight to the point here:
For most men, the best method to remove butt-crack hair is going to be through a good old-fashioned razor. The other methods have their advantages, but they also have quite a bit going against them. The thing with shaving it is that:
- It’s inexpensive
- It’s easy to acquire the tools needed
- It doesn’t take long
But before I jump straight into the first method, a tiny bit of background information is needed. You’ll see why once we start comparing the advantages and disadvantages of each method.
Why We Have Butt-crack Hair
Millions and millions of years ago, through natural selection and genetic mutation, a huge advantage was given to our apelike ancestors in central Africa; the ability to sweat.
This gave humans who had less hair and the ability to diffuse body heat into bead-like sweat drops another ability, to hunt during the day, when other fur-covered mammals were resting.
But, that doesn’t explain why we still have some hair left remaining on our bodies.
The long and short of it is that we still have tufts of hair left on our body for three primary reasons:
- The eccrine sweat glands around our pubes and underarms pits use the hair to disperse body odor
Body hair in certain places can help protect against body chafing
- It can also potentially help protect us from contracting disease through intercourse, through cushioning (less direct body to body contact)
- Basically, it’s there to help disperse body odor and protect against chafing and infection from sex. You’ll see why this is important in a bit. But for now, let’s get straight into each method to remove hair in your butt-crack.
Before You Start: CLEAN UP
The very first thing you need to do is get your bum nice and sanitary. And there is no better way to properly clean your butt than with a bidet. Read more about why every man, regardless of the amount of butt hair, should have one.
Method 1: Waxing
Okay, now let’s talk about how to do it. The first method is to wax that hair all off.
Let’s just assume that you are doing this at home. If you aren’t, you can pretty much just stop reading here and go straight to your waxing clinic, and everything will be done for you.
Make sure you have all the materials beforehand. A Honeybee kit is a great, inexpensive all-in-1 product made just for this reason.
The steps to this are fairly straightforward:
- Take a shower and clean your privates and crack thoroughly with body wash. Dry off.
- Apply the wax to a section of your butt-cheek
- Press the adhesive strip (that comes with the kit) to the wax
- Wait a few seconds to allow the adhesive strip and wax to bond
- Quickly tear off the adhesive strip
- Repeat for the rest of your butt-cheeks and crack, until everything is smooth
The biggest advantage to this method is that removing body hair through waxing will not only leave your skin very smooth, but it will also leave your butt hairless for quite a long time.
The biggest disadvantage, on the other hand, is that this is literally a pain in the ass to accomplish by yourself. It’s nearly impossible to get all the strands of hair doing it through waxing. Your butt-crack isn’t as smooth as the backside of your leg. There are going to be hairs that don’t come out.
Method 2: Sugaring
Sugaring is a method quite similar to waxing. Instead of applying wax, you apply a concoction of sugar, lemon juice, water and some type of binding agent. It’s essentially an all-natural alternative to waxing. It’s also a lot less painful.
Now, I would list the steps involved in this process ordinarily, but in my humble opinion, this is simply not going to be an option for the vast majority of men out there.
While you may be tempted by a (much) less painful method of removing butt-crack hair, this method has a few things working against it.
The biggest disadvantage to this method is that sugaring typically is best used for fine hair, such as the type of hair that grows on a woman’s leg. It will have more trouble with the type of thick, curly hair that grows on most mens’ butt-cheeks.
Method 3: Trimming
You simply can’t mess this one up.
By far the easiest method is to simply trim your hair.
Now, you can either use a regular set of buzz clippers, used to clip or trim the hair on the top of your head, or you can opt for a specially-designed set of body hair trimmers.
Personally, I have found that a set of regular buzz clippers works just fine. The only thing a set of body hair trimmers provides that a set of buzz clippers doesn’t, is that a good set of body hair trimmers will be designed for you to work around the counters of your body a bit easier.
This method is quite simple:
- If you’ve got thick or curly butt-crack hair, slap a guard on the trimmer first. If you go straight to non-guard you are liable to painfully pull out a few caught hairs (trust me, I know!)
- After your butt-crack hair is down to a more manageable length, take the guard off and trim again. This will trim your hair very close to the skin.
It’s fairly difficult to screw this one up, but you’ll have to do a bit of acrobatics in your bathroom, spreading your cheeks this way and that, to make sure that you get all the hairs with your trimmer. After a little bit of trial-and-error however, it should be cake.
For most men, this is going to be the best option, by none. But, that’s not to say that it doesn’t have a a few disadvantages.
For starters, this method only trims your hair down to a very small size. It doesn’t eliminate it at the root or give you a nice, smooth taut butt and butt-crack. So, if you’re prepping for a porno shoot or just want to go totally smoothless, this won’t work.
Secondly, because you aren’t removing the hair from the root, hair tends to grow back faster. A lot faster. That means more upkeep time.
Method 4: Shaving
This is when you want to take your trimming to the next level.
For the vast majority of men out there who want to remove butt-crack hair, this is also going to be their best bet.
It’s fairly straight-forward, but there are a few things you need to get right. Here’s the process:
- Take a shower (you don’t want to be shaving a smelly, rank butt-crack)
- Option A: Squat over the floor, and gently shave your butt, shaving in strokes going towards you
- Option B: Dry off, step out of the shower and squat over the bathroom floor. Do the same thing, this time with a lubricant like shaving cream.
- For Option B, you might want to use a small mirror, by placing it in between your legs.
For the vast majority of men, just go with Option A. For a few reasons.
For starters, the water from the shower will act as a lubricant for your skin, allowing you to shave the hair in your butt-crack without irritation.
Secondly, the water will also rinse away shaved hair from your razor, as well as your bum, allowing you to keep things clean and finish a whole lot faster.
Now, obviously you can’t be bringing in a mirror to the shower, so how do you accomplish this without seeing where you are shaving?
Just go by feel. After a few strokes you will be able to tell whether or not you shaving bare skin or hair off. Your first time you might miss a few spots, but that’s OK, you should have gotten almost everything.
Then, apply a little bit of lotion or talc and you are all good to go.
There is a big downside to this method however, and that is the actual process. You’ve got to contort and twist a bit, and unless you are at least a little bit flexible, it’s going to be difficult maintain a squatting position for 5 to 10 minutes.
Method 5: Electrolysis
If you’ve made up your mind already, butt-crack hair is out, permanently, then there is another, more costly, more painful solution.
Electrolysis is essentially just what its name implies; you are frying the hair off at the roots.
Generally, you can go for at least two options, the first being a hair thinning via electrolysis, and the second being permanent hair removal.
This form of hair removal has been gaining in popularity recently, particularly for genital electrolysis; removing or thinning hair around the genital region. Especially with women.
The downsides? For starters, its more painful. You’ll definitely feel it. And then there is the cost. You’ll most likely be spending a few grand to clear out all the hair on your underside. Lastly, do you really want to go to a doctor’s office, have someone clean your ass, strap a thingamajig onto your broadside, spread your cheeks and be nose up into your butthole?
For most guys out there, this is an extreme step. Proceed only with caution.
Method 6: Depilatories
Lastly, you could always try depilatories. Depilatories are creams that you rub on hair that use a chemical reaction to induce your hair to just fall out.
You’ve probably seen them one time or another, but probably just didn’t think about using them to remove butt-crack hair.
While depilatories are way, way cheaper than going through electrolysis, in my experience I have found them to simply not work as advertised.
These creams seem to really work with thin, light hair on your forearm or elsewhere. They don’t seem to work as well with the thicker, longer, curlier hair on your legs, and certainly not around your genitals.
Moreover, do you really want to risk spreading a bunch of chemicals around your bunghole?
As with electrolysis, its probably better to skip this method.
So, what’s the best method to remove hair in your butt-crack?
For 99.9% of men out there, it’s going to be either trimming or shaving, followed by a good wax.
The reasons for this are numerous:
- Trimming, shaving or waxing are much cheaper than the alternatives
- Trimming, shaving or waxing can be done in the safety of your own home
- Trimming, shaving or waxing are not complicated, nor require that much set-up
- Trimming, shaving or waxing can be fine-tuned specifically for your needs